I mean, that thing is good. I wanna be friends with it.

I previously mentioned the concept of being an expository listener when I recommended the book, What Is a Healthy Church Member?

If you're interested, it's on sale for $6.50 via Westminster Bookstore, a great place to buy books, incidentally.

"With a wealth of biblical insight and practical instruction, Anyabwile calls Christians to do more than just attend church, but to be the kind of faithful, engaged church members that God intends. Given the state of so many of our churches today, this book arrives not a moment too soon."
~ R. Albert Mohler Jr. (President, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary)

N.B. For the Providence Church book club, this is the book we'll be discussing at our June meeting.

Snowman, you got your ears on?

I heartily recommend Thabiti Anyabwile's book, What Is a Healthy Church Member?

One of the things rarely mentioned in Christian literature is guidance for the church member with regard to his/her role in the preaching process. Thabiti addresses that topic in a chapter entitled, "A Healthy Church Member Is an Expositional Listener."

A few highlights:

"Expositional listening is listening for the meaning of a passage of Scripture and accepting that meaning as the main idea to be grasped for our personal and corporate lives as Christians."

What Are the Benefits of Expositional Listening?

1. It cultivates a hunger for God's Word.
2. It helps us to focus on God's will and to follow Him.
3. It protects the gospel and our lives from corruption.
4. It encourages faithful pastors.
5. It benefits the gathered congregation.

How Can Church Members Cultivate the Habit of Expositional Listening?

1. Meditate on the sermon passage during your quiet time.
2. Invest in a good set of commentaries.
3. Talk and pray with friends about the sermon after church.
4. Listen to and act on the sermon throughout the week.
5. Develop the habit of addressing any questions about the text itself.
6. Cultivate humility.

• Buy the What Is a Healthy Church Member?
• See also Mark Dever, What Is a Healthy Church? (An appetizer)
  

To hell with them fellas. Buzzards gotta eat, same as worms.

Is Josey Wales more orthodox than Rob Bell?

Bell is the founding pastor Mars Hill Bible Church, a megachurch in Michigan, and a popular author, most recently of Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived.

As you may know, there's much controversy concerning Bell, particularly accusations that he's officially left the realm of orthodoxy with his denial of hell.

I've not read the book, so I can't speak to that subject as of yet, but I would like to offer a few comments as well as a few links for further reading.

First, I'd like to address what's been termed "optimistic inclusivism," which is in contrast to an exclusivist view.

Evangelical (assuming for a moment that term still has meaning) Christians adhere to the biblical concept of exclusivity where salvation is concerned. That is, salvation from the wrath of God only comes through Jesus Christ, the crucified & risen Son of God (cf. John 14:6; Acts 4:12).

As you might imagine, that's among the least popular tenants of Christianity. It's much more popular to assert that (a) because God is love/loving, (b) He saves everyone, regardless of their theological allegiances. Hence, love wins.

As Ed Stetzer points out, this is not an original thought with Bell, though his attempt as an alleged evangelical to seemingly persuade evangelicals is perhaps what's setting him apart.

The error, of course, is in starting with a concept of love and then attempting to conform God to it, including His actions. Rightly, we start with God and a recognition of His various attributes as well as an understanding that God's actions define love, rather than vice versa. We also must clarify whom it is God loves and how He loves various people in various ways.

As I understand it, the rationale is that we can hope that because God is loving that He will act in a certain way, particularly with regard to hell.

Second, I have to say I wonder if, at least practically speaking, many of us haven't unwittingly succumbed to such an optimistic inclusivism. Theoretically, sure, everyone who's not been saved from God's wrath by grace alone through faith alone because of Christ alone is justifiably sentenced to hell to pay for their sin.

Yet, when was the last time you heard a person say, "So and so is in hell"? Won't we more than likely say, "I don't think he/she was a Christian, so he/she might not be in heaven."

Even if folks are content to express such about public figures, with whom we typically have little firsthand knowledge, what about family members? What about people we are confident had little to no interest in the things of Christ?

Do we practically become optimistic inclusivists? "Well, I hope Uncle Fester's in heaven, though I have my doubts."

I ran across an interesting article accusing 99.9% of pastors of agreeing with Rob Bell, at funerals, at least.

"I think pastors honestly have the hope that — despite evidence to the contrary — the deceased finds himself or herself in the presence of God."

At some point, I intend to read Bell's book and to give a fair and informed assessment. Until that time, I will only contend that, according to the Scriptures, hell is not just an idea; it's a place, a place of eternal torment and punishment.

XX. The Judgment - God has appointed a day, wherein He will judge the world by Jesus Christ, when every one shall receive according to his deeds: the wicked, those apart from Christ, shall go into everlasting punishment; the righteous, those who are justified, into everlasting life. (Providence Church statement of faith)

To negate (universalism, even optimistic) or minimize (annihilationism) hell is to do disservice to the Scriptures and those in whom the fear of God needs surfacing. Additionally, the character of God is attacked, as He is portrayed as "more loving" than He portrays Himself.

• Rob Bell's Bridge Too Far - The controversial pastor raises crucial questions, but offers answers that may sabotage his goals. (Mark Galli)
• We Have Seen All This Before: Rob Bell and the (Re)Emergence of Liberal Theology - In this new book, Rob Bell takes his stand with those who have tried to rescue Christianity from itself. This is a massive tragedy by any measure. (Al Mohler)
• Who's in Hell? Pastors' Criticism of Eternal Torment for Some Sparks Fierce Debate (Foxnews, HT Oilcan)

Being a good reader's gonna help me get a good office job.

It was suggested to me that I share what I'm reading. So, in spite of the risk of appearing (even more) narcissistic, here's what I'm reading, what I've read, and what I intend to read in the near future, Deo volente.

(Incidentally, I'd be interested in your lists as well, especially if you've read something you'd highly recommend.)

Presently Reading:

1. Holiness of God, Sproul* (Christian Audio's March free download of the month)
2. The Castle in the Forest, Mailer
3. When the Word Leads Your Pastoral Search, Brauns
4. Old Testament Theology, Waltke
   
5. The Dragon's Treasure: A Dreamer's Guide to Inner Discovery through Dream Interpretation, Cole
6. Less Clutter. Less Noise, Meyer
7. A Theology of the New Testament, Ladd
8. De Inventione, Cicero
   

Recently Read:

1. God's Big Picture: Tracing the Storyline of the Bible, Roberts - It's my favorite Bible overview book, tracing the theme of the King and His kingdom throughout Scripture: "God's people in God's place under God's rule and blessing." It's accessible to the rookie as well as advantageous to the veteran, reinforcing the unity of the Scriptures and motivating one to deeper research therein.


2. Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception, MacArthur - It's hard to go wrong with Johnny Mac, and here he gets it very right regarding the trenches and what's at stake. In his sights we see Postmodernism and its subsequent rampant skepticism. I do slightly take issue with the subtitle. I think the pursuit is of truth, not certainty, though the two aren't necessarily mutually exclusive. It's a nice attempt to exegete Jude 3-4 with an exhortation to follow through against our contemporary threats to apprehending truth.


3. Stop Dating the Church!: Fall in Love with the Family of God, Harris* - If there was one extra-biblical reading I could require of (prospective) church members, this would be it. Most church members commit to a congregation until something better comes along or until feelings are hurt, etc. Serial monogamy is not the pattern for couples or churches. Harris challenges the reader to elevate the church in life's pecking order and to ultimately value it as Christ does, His bride for which He bled. What more can I say? Superlatives have been drained of their meaning through overuse, but this book really is all that and a bag of chips.


4. Keep Your Greek: Strategies for Busy People, Constantine - I wish I'd had this during or before seminary. It's a quick read, but is jammed packed with practical insights. I most appreciated his thoughts on the benefits of Greek study beyond showing it off in the sermon, all the while encouraging us not to be afraid to share things relevant from the Greek. He also reminds readers it's easier to resurrect Greek already learned than to get it the first time, an encouragement to backsliders to get back on the horse.


5. Ten Stupid Things that Keep Churches from Growing: How Leaders Can Overcome Costly Mistakes, Surratt - Clearly, there are more than 10, but some of these befall even those churches committed to the biblical authority in the church and a pursuit of God's glory above all else. My 3 favorite chapters were on "Promoting Talent over Integrity," "Letting Committees Steer the Ship," and "Copying Another Successful Church," and the author doesn't even suggest imitation of his church. I liked the interview component concluding each chapter wherein he shares insights of those with firsthand experience of the 10. There is much with which I disagree, but I do feel at least a little more prepared to avoid that which is stupid, though I make no guarantees.


6. The Secret Life of Marilyn Monroe, Taraborrelli - I discerned an attempt to debunk some of the myths concerning Marilyn's life, particularly regarding her childhood and fostercare. I most enjoyed the accounts of her friendship/relationship with Frank Sinatra. The book was easier on the Kennedys than I think is prudent.


7. Simple Church: Returning to God's Process for Making Disciples, Rainer & Geiger - It's a nice reminder to major in the majors, not caving to pressure to equate quantity of activity with the quality of ministry. The oft unrealized the consequence of such deviation is the minimization of the mission among lesser competitors. There are many questions the book doesn't answer, which could disappoint many, but I tend to prefer the questions to be raised with the onus on the reader to cogitate further.

Future Reading (D.V.):

1. The Messianic Hope: Is the Hebrew Bible Really Messianic?, Rydelnik
2. The Price of Glory: Verdun 1916, Horne
3. A Stone of Hope: Prophetic Religion and the Death of Jim Crow, Chappell
4. The Shack, Young
5. The Somme: The Darkest Hour on the Western Front, Hart
6. Emotional Intelligence 2.0, Bradberry & Greaves
7. Tell the Truth: The Whole Gospel to the Whole Person by Whole People, Metzger*
8. Lonely Are the Shadows, Reece
9. Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived, Bell
10. Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America, Norris
11. Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, Foer
12. Desiring God: Meditations of a Christian Hedonist, Piper*
13. Children of Fire: A History of African Americans, Holt
14. Shepherding a Child's Heart, Tripp*
15. Four Voices of Preaching, The: Connecting Purpose and Identity behind the Pulpit, Reid
16. Just Do Something: How to Make a Decision Without Dreams, Visions, Fleeces, Open Doors, Random Bible Verses, Casting Lots, Liver Shivers, Writing in the Sky, etc., DeYoung
    

*Read before, but (re)reading for Providence Church book club.

Nobody's looking for a puppeteer in today's wintry economic climate.

My most recent book acquisition is When the Word Leads Your Pastoral Search: Biblical Principles and Practices to Guide Your Search, by Chris Brauns. (N.B. The title says "Word," not "World." Nuff said.)

Ideally, a church wouldn't need this book for many years, as the pastor puts down roots and commits, enjoying decades of service to Christ & His people. But, we keeps it real, so ... a book like this is more than necessary since longevity is rare.

In fact, if the search process is successful (i.e., a good fit is found), then the church will have little to no experience on which to lean for the next pastor, since the pastor stayed awhile. Conversely, the churches that might get proficient at the pastoral search due to frequency, may be suffering from not doing it well (i.e., a good fit is not found).

I intend to post a review of When the Word Leads Your Pastoral Search upon completion, but to increase awareness of such a resource in the Church and to whet your appetite ...

10 Common Mistakes Churches Make Looking for a Pastor, each of which contains elaboration in the book:

1. Not choosing the right people for the pastoral search committee.
2. Prayerlessness.
3. Being people-centered rather than Word-centered.
4. Lack of follow-through and due-diligence by the pastoral search committee.
5. Impatience that leads to the wrong decision.
6. Failure to properly administrate the pastoral search.
7. Inadequate communication.
8. Failure to adequately budget for the pastoral search.
9. Allowing the experience with the previous pastor to direct the calling of the next pastor.
10. Spending too much time trying to call pastors who are not "reasonably gettable."

• Learn more about When the Word Leads Your Pastoral Search, including where to purchase.
• Read endorsements.
• Buy Brauns' Unpacking Forgiveness: Biblical Answers for Complex Questions and Deep Wounds.

When I was your age, television was called, "books."

Providence Church deacon & youth director, Cody Dixon, has started a reading club of sorts and asked the elders for an "approved" reading list from which to choose. Each month, the plan is to read the book and gather to discuss it.

The following 13 made the list, but I'm open to suggestion as to what would be good for a church reading group.

1. Hannah, John. Kregel Pictorial Guide to Church History
2. Harris, Joshua. Stop Dating the Church: Fall in Love with the Family of God
3. Horton, Michael. Putting Amazing Back into Grace
4. Luther, Martin. The Bondage of the Will
5. MacArthur, John. The Truth War: Fighting for Certainty in an Age of Deception
   
6. MacArthur, John. Twelve Ordinary Men: How the Master Shaped His Disciples for Greatness, and What He Wants to Do with You
7. Metzger, Will. Tell the Truth: The Whole Gospel to the Whole Person by Whole People
   
8. Pink, Arthur. The Sovereignty of God
9. Piper, John. The Pleasures of God: Meditations on God's Delight in Being God
   
10. Roberts, Vaughan. God's Big Picture
11. Sproul, R.C. Chosen by God
12. Sproul, R.C. Holiness of God
13. Tripp, Tedd. Shepherding a Child's Heart

P.S. Others I'd recommend based on prior Sunday school usage:

1. Alcorn, Randy. The Treasure Principle
2. Atteberry, Mark. The 10 Dumbest Things Christians Do
3. Dever, Mark. Nine Marks of a Healthy Church
4. Packer, J.I. Knowing God
5. Piper, John. Desiring God
6. Piper, John. Future Grace
7. Thomas, Gary. Sacred Marriage: What If God Intended Marriage to Make Us Holy More than to Make Us Happy?
   

And if I find that you are trying to corrupt my firstborn child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown.

I'm reading What He Must Be ... if he wants to marry my daughter, by Voddie Baucham, Jr.

Among other gems, he lists (and elaborates upon) some things that must characterize any potential suitor..

1. He must be a follower of Christ.

2. He must be prepared to lead.

3. He must lead like Christ.

4. He must be committed to children.

5. He must practice the four P's.

"Whatever words we choose to use, it is clear that a young man must be ready to represent his family before God (as a priest), represent God before his family (as a prophet), meet the needs of those in his household (as a provider), and place himself between his family and all who would do them harm (as a protector)."

Apart from omitting sports teams allegiances, it's a pretty good list and a book I heartily recommend, particularly to those entrusted with the development of boys.

There's a drought of young men suitable for marriage and my heartaches for the young ladies who are much more ready for life than the lads who delay adulthood to stay in "Guyland" into their 30s or 40s.

Sadly, women are stuck with such a poor pool from which to choose, being limited to wimps or barbarians, none of which understand nor care to understand what it takes to love another human, particularly making sacrifices for her benefit.

Am I reading my diss-meter correctly here? 'Cause I could swear I'm being blown off!

In the midst of a Sunday school series on what it means to be Reformed, we've covered evangelism the past two weeks.

The following are 7 books I would highly recommend on evangelism:

• D. A. Carson (general editor), Telling the Truth
• Walter Chantry, Today's Gospel: Authentic or Synthetic?
• Mark Dever, The Gospel and Personal Evangelism
• Will Metzger, Tell the Truth: The Whole Gospel to the Whole Person by Whole People
• J. I. Packer, Evangelism & the Sovereignty of God
• John Piper, Let the Nations Be Glad!
• Charles Spurgeon, The Soul Winner

Any others you'd suggest?

[Update: Thanks for the other suggestions in the comments.]

I don't care about losing all the money. It's losing all the stuff.

Yesterday at Providence Church we completed a Sunday school series on The Treasure Principle, by Randy Alcorn. (buy it from Amazon.com)

Let me just say, I HIGHLY recommend the book. It does an outstanding job of stacking the biblical teachings regarding money, generosity, sacrificial giving, and living for eternity in such a way that you're overwhelmed by the stark reality of it all.

In other words, I found myself ingesting truths of which I was generally aware, but in such a way that they collectively challenged my thinking & practice where God's money is concerned.

To whet your appetite to buy, read, and apply the book ...

• The Treasure Principle: You can’t take it with you, but you can send it on ahead.
• Key 1: God owns everything. I’m His money manager.
• Key 2: My heart always goes where I put God’s money.
• Key 3: Heaven, not earth, is my home.
• Key 4: I should live not for the dot but for the line.
• Key 5: Giving is the only antidote to materialism.
• Key 6: God prospers me not to raise my standard of living, but to raise my standard of giving.

See also 43 Quotes from The Treasure Principle: Discovering the Secret of Joyful Giving or buy it from Amazon.com. Or if you'd like, you're welcome to borrow my copy.

There can be only one!

Recently reading the following sparked an enlightening exercise.

"If R.C. [Sproul] only had one book in prison: The Bible. Only one chapter: Isaiah 6. Only one verse: Genesis 15:6. Only one book from the Bible: Hebrews."

Hmm. What about me? This was harder than I thought it would be, but ...

If I was isolated somewhere (e.g., the joint), and was limited, I would want the following:

• Only One Book: Bible
• Only One Chapter: Isaiah 53
• Only One Verse: 2 Corinthians 5:21
• Only One Book from the Bible: John

How about you?

I have two books at my bedside, Lieutenant, the Marine Corps Code of Conduct and the King James Bible.

Blogger James Galyon tagged me for a Facebook note and I was curious as to how the blogosphere would answer as well.

Here's my offering. What's in your Fave 15?

"15 books you've read that will always stick with you. First 15 you can recall in no more than 15 minutes."

1. The Bible
2. Knowing God, J. I. Packer
3. The Holiness of God, R. C. Sproul
4. Green Eggs and Ham, Dr. Seuss
5. George Whitefield, Arnold Dallimore
6. Conscience of a Conservative, Barry Goldwater
7. Bondage of the Will, Martin Luther
8. Today's Gospel: Authentic or Synthetic?, Walter Chantry
9. Animal Farm, George Orwell
10. On Rhetoric, Aristotle
11. The Reformed Pastor, Richard Baxter
12. Dracula, Bram Stoker
13. Point Man: How a Man Can Lead His Family, Steve Farrar
14. Soul Winner, Charles Haddon Spurgeon
15. A Quest for Godliness: The Puritan Vision of the Christian Life, J.I. Packer

Honorable Mention (in alphabetical order)

• Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
• The Institutes of the Christian Religion, John Calvin
• Let the Nations Be Glad!, John Piper
• Stop Dating the Church, Joshua Harris
• For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemingway

there is such a thing as manners, a way of treating people. These fish have manners.

QUICK TIPS: IF YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT LEAVING A CHURCH ...

Before You Decide to Leave

1. Pray.
2. Let your current pastor know about your thinking before you move to another church or make your decision to relocate to another city. Ask for his counsel.
3. Weigh your motives. Is your desire to leave because of sinful, personal conflict or disappointment? If it's because of doctrinal reasons, are these doctrinal issues significant?
4. Do everything within your power to reconcile any broken relationships.
5. Be sure to consider all the "evidences of grace" you've seen in the church's life--places where God's work is evident. If you cannot see any evidences of God's grace, you might want to examine your own heart once more (Matt. 7:3-5).
6. Be humble. Recognize you don't have all the facts and assess people and circumstances charitably (give them the benefit of the doubt).

If You Go

1. Don't divide the body.
2. Take the utmost care not to sow discontent even among your closest friends. Remember, you don't want anything to hinder their growth in grace in this church. Deny any desire to gossip (sometimes referred to as "venting" or "saying how you feel").
3. Pray for and bless the congregation and its leadership. Look for ways of doing this practically.
4. If there has been hurt, then forgive--even as you have been forgiven.

-Mark Dever, What Is a Healthy Church? (p. 57)

I think I might add the necessity of an "exit interview" in the event of departure to share how the church might improve in the areas you found lacking.

Prior to leaving, I think it's helpful for all involved to express concerns along the way, as opposed to sharing a laundry list of things that have been bugging you for months or years. It may be possible the leadership doesn't know and they can't fix it if they don't know it's broken. Also, after sharing those concerns, offer to be of help in fixing them, being part of the solution.

Any other thoughts?

Look, just because we're bereaved, that doesn't make us saps!

This week I read the book Freakonomics, which I wholeheartedly recommend. I borrowed it from the library, but I would have had no buyer's remorse had I purchased a copy.

The subtitle is "A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything." I really enjoyed it because (1) it addresses the type of questions I ask and (2) it's a bit of a sociological study.

This book, then, has been written from a very specific worldview, based on a few fundamental ideas:

• Incentives are the cornerstone of modern life.
• The conventional wisdom is often wrong.
• Dramatic effects often have distant, even subtle, causes.
• "Experts"--from criminologists to real-estate agents--use their informational advantage to serve their own agenda.
• Knowing what to measure and how to measure it makes a complicated world much less so. (pp.13-14)

"Morality, it could be argued, represents the way that people would like the world to work--whereas economics represents how it actually does work." (p.13)

I appreciated the thoughts on incentives and how influential they are. "There are three basic flavors of incentive: economic, social, and moral." (p.21)

For example, take the anti-smoking movement of recent years.

"The addition of a $3-per-pack 'sin tax' is a strong economic incentive against buying cigarettes. The banning of cigarettes in restaurants and bars is a powerful social incentive. And when the U.S. government asserts that terrorists raise money by selling black-market cigarettes, that acts as a rather jarring moral incentive." (p.21)

The problem is that we often try to use the wrong incentive to encourage/discourage a certain behavior.

As one with an interest in sociology and wonders why people do that which they do, I found my thinking about incentives drifting from the world, to myself, and then to how I raise my children. How do I use the 3 different flavors of incentives? How do I misuse them?

The data analysis on why people cheat and how they do it was also interesting. In sports, cheating is frowned upon, but only a venial sin, presuming one is cheating to win. But cheating to lose is heinous, yet it has happened and it does happen. Why and how?

Cheating on taxes is cliche, but I never realized the justification for the jokes until I realized what happened on April 15, 1987. That day in America 7,000,000 children went missing. That year the IRS required not merely the listing of dependents for a tax break, but also a valid social security number for each child. The children were not kidnapped or murdered, but had been fabricated to cheat the government.

As long as there are tests, there will always be prayer in school. Likewise, as long as there are tests, there will be cheating in school. Yet, did you know just how prevalent cheating is ... by the teachers? Teachers have great incentives to produce good test results on standardized tests, so much so that they have resorted to various means of cheating, ranging from teaching to the tests based on previous tests or giving extra time for the exam to actually changing answers on student exams. Why do they do it? How do they do it? How can they be caught?

As an armchair sociologist mybadself, I find the laws of depravity and W.I.I.F.M. (What's in it for me?) coming to bear across social studies, as folks operate according to the incentives most effective for theirbadselves.

I said all that to say this, I don't use this venue so much for book reviews or recommendations (other than those for the Desiring God Ministries sale), especially for the "non-Christian" book, but this book really scratched where I itch.

What I think the Christian parent might find most interesting is results of empirical studies showing just what factors do and do not have any correlation with how children turn out academically.

[Aside: I don't want to insult anyone's intelligence, but we have to distinguish between a correlation and causation/causality. The first means A & B occur together. A could cause B or vice versa, or they could have independent causes. Causation means that A caused B or vice versa. Far too often statistical sin is committed by giving a correlation a cause & effect label.]

Much of what we buy into is conventional wisdom, which varies dramatically over the years and often has little to do substantiation. For example, the following 8 factors do not have a statistical correlation to a child's standardized test scores:

1. The child's family is intact.
2. The child's parents recently moved into a better neighborhood.
3. The child's mother didn't work between birth and kindergarten.
4. The child attended Head Start.
5. The child's parents regularly take him to the museum.
6. The child is regularly spanked.
7. The child frequently watches television.
8. The child's parents read to him nearly every day.

Again, these are factors that didn't have correlation with good or bad standardized test scores. In other words, watching lots of television was not a factor, in helping or hindering.

The following factors, however, were strongly correlated with test scores:

1. The child has highly educated parents.
2. The child's parents have high socioeconomic status.
3. The child's mother was 30 or older at the time of her first child's birth.
4. The child has a low birthweight.
5. The child's parents speak English in the home.
6. The child is adopted.
7. The child's parents are involved in the PTA.
8. The child has many books in his home.

(All were a positive correlation, except for a child having a low birthweight and being adopted, both of those factors showed correlation to poor(er) scores on standardized tests.)

The authors go into some great detail with regard to each of these, particularly those that fly in the face of conventional wisdom (pp.166-76), but the difference between the 2 lists can be generalized/characterized as those things parents are (8 factors of strong correlation) versus those things parents do (8 factors without correlation).

We enter the whole nature vs. nurture conversation conversation, but the data leave one seeing things a bit deterministic. That's not a problem, if you acknowledge an omnipotent, omniscient Creator/Governor who is also omni-benevolent, but I can imagine such would give others fits.

What difference do we make as parents? Better yet, what difference can we make? Much, though a child's peers are much more influential, studies show, than his/her parent(s). This is why, I would imagine, we parents obsess about our children's friends.

There are other things in the book of great interest, like perceived risk vs. actual risk. For example, it's more likely that a conscientious parent would never let his/her child play at a neighbor's house where a gun was housed, preferring instead to allow the child to play at a neighbor's house where a pool is in the backyard. This is despite the fact that a child is 100 times more likely to be killed in a backyard swimming pool than by a neighbor's gun.

There are reasons why this is, but, according to "risk communications consultant" Peter Sandman, "The basic reality is that the risks that scare people and the risks that kill people are very different." (p.150)

Which do you think people act on? Which do you think people address with their money? What do you think industries do to make a profit off of that (e.g., car safety seats)? Risks that are scary get addressed and federal funding (e.g., terrorist attacks vs. heart disease).

Others might find interesting the way the common man or woman is taken advantage of when there is a great gap in information between the customer and the business. For example, real estate agents sell their own homes differently than they sell yours, where the financial incentive is dramatically less. They're not alone, doctors and morticians have been known to take advantage of the ignorance of the customer to their own financial gain, often using fear or guilt to their advantage.

Look, just because we're bereaved, that doesn't make us saps.