If I had to guess by your eyes, I'd say you were 50.

"These Are the Things You Don't Say to Your Wife," by Tim Hawkins.

Don't yell at me; we're only pretending to be married!

One of the common arguments in favor of couples living together prior to marriage is a practical one, namely that it minimizes the probability of divorce.

However ...

"If it were really true that living together is a trial of marriage, then divorces would be more common among couples who hadn’t first lived together than among couples who had. Actually, just the opposite is true: Divorces are more common among couples who have lived together first than among couples who haven’t. The reason isn’t hard to find. The very essence of marriage is having a binding commitment. The very essence of living together is having no binding commitment. That’s why living together can’t be a trial for marriage, because in everything that matters, the two conditions are opposites. And that’s why not having a binding commitment is less like training for marriage than like training for divorce."
- J. Budziszewski, How to Stay Christian in College

And this here's the TV. 2 hours a day, either educational or football, so you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.

Keeping with acrostics, I spend time in pre-marital counseling talking about S.M.I.R.K., 5 areas of potential conflict in marriage. I encourage couples to think and talk through these issues ahead of time, preferably prior to engagement ... but who am I kidding?

S … Sexuality

• To what extent have you shared your sexual past?
• What boundaries have you set prior to marriage?
• How important is the sexual side of a marriage relationship?
• How important is it to your potential spouse?
• How have past experiences impacted your views regarding sexuality?
• How does Bible address these issues so that your views might differ from the culture's?
  

M … Money

• Who will write out the checks, etc. to pay the bills?
• Who will balance the check book?
• Have you constructed a budget?
• How will big decisions be determined? Small decisions?
  
• Will you both work? Either way, how will household tasks be performed?
• Have you written a will?
• What are your thoughts and goals regarding debt, savings, and retirement?
• How does Bible address these issues so that your views might differ from the culture's?

I … In-Laws

• What boundaries have you established where family is concerned?
• What are the in-laws’ expectations of their new son/daughter-in-law?
• Have you discussed how you will handle family holidays?
• If there is divorce in your families, what have you learned from such exposure/experience? What are the grounds for divorce for you?
• How does Bible address these issues so that your views might differ from the culture's?

R … Religion

• How are your religious journeys/backgrounds different?
• What spiritual/church issues have you already discussed?
• Any compromises reached?
• What is your plan for developing the family’s spiritual growth?
• What is your anticipated participation in your church (e.g., attendance, finances, responsibilities, etc.)?
• How does Bible address these issues so that your views might differ from the culture's?

K … Kids

• If both parents work, who will look after the children?
• To what extent have you discussed your plans regarding children (e.g., how many, contraception, discipline, attire, religious instruction, schooling, etc.)?
• In the event of your deaths, who would raise your children?
• How do your children feel about the marriage? How have you discussed the upcoming changes?
• How does Bible address these issues so that your views might differ from the culture's?

General Questions:

• Why do you think you should get married?
• What counsel did you receive to encourage you to marriage?
• How do your families feel about you getting married?
  
• Are you in love? How do you know?
• What do you enjoy doing together?
• If one spouse is not going to be a stay-at-home parent, how will you allocate household chores?
• How do you demonstrate love to your potential spouse? How does your spouse prefer to be loved?
  
• What are your plans for conflict resolution?

I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.

"John Quincy Adams was an ambassador by the age of fourteen. Today we consider men adolescents for whom living at home and being taken care of by their parents is acceptable well into their twenties. Men used to marry in their teens; now they wonder if they are ready in their thirties. We have an epidemic of immature men in our culture. We are simply taking too long to turn boys into men. Our forefathers may have died younger, but they lived longer in the process."
~ Voddie Baucham, Jr, What He Must Be ... if he wants to marry my daughter, 203. (emphasis mine)

Part of the problem is a lack of intentionality on training boys to become men. Let's try to make some more of them.

Part of the problem is a lack of quality roles models for men. So, we ask ...

• Q: What should a man look like?
• A: Isn't that what makes a man?

cf. Voddie's characteristics of an eligible man.

And if I find that you are trying to corrupt my firstborn child, I will bring you down, baby. I will bring you down to Chinatown.

I'm reading What He Must Be ... if he wants to marry my daughter, by Voddie Baucham, Jr.

Among other gems, he lists (and elaborates upon) some things that must characterize any potential suitor..

1. He must be a follower of Christ.

2. He must be prepared to lead.

3. He must lead like Christ.

4. He must be committed to children.

5. He must practice the four P's.

"Whatever words we choose to use, it is clear that a young man must be ready to represent his family before God (as a priest), represent God before his family (as a prophet), meet the needs of those in his household (as a provider), and place himself between his family and all who would do them harm (as a protector)."

Apart from omitting sports teams allegiances, it's a pretty good list and a book I heartily recommend, particularly to those entrusted with the development of boys.

There's a drought of young men suitable for marriage and my heartaches for the young ladies who are much more ready for life than the lads who delay adulthood to stay in "Guyland" into their 30s or 40s.

Sadly, women are stuck with such a poor pool from which to choose, being limited to wimps or barbarians, none of which understand nor care to understand what it takes to love another human, particularly making sacrifices for her benefit.

... and you must be Grumpy.

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.

The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old man yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."

... when we left Midland we had a mess of theories about how to raise children. We still have a mess of children, but no theories.

Parenting can be a humbling endeavor and it's not for cowards, though a rewarding privilege.

I've been encouraged by what I hope is a trend whereby families are having more children, especially families in the church. Children are indeed a blessing and a gift from God. (Ps 127:3), and the apprehension of that truth may play a part.

However, this is a good quote to remind us that we don't have big families (i.e., more children) merely for the sake of having big families.

"Marriage is for making children into disciples of Jesus. Here the focus shifts. This purpose of marriage is not merely to add more bodies to the planet. The point is to increase the number of followers of Jesus on the planet… God’s purpose in making marriage the place to have children was never merely to fill the earth with people, but to fill the earth with worshipers of the true God… When the focus of marriage becomes 'Make children disciples of Jesus,' the meaning of marriage in relation to children is not mainly 'Make them,' but 'Make them disciples.' And the latter can happen even where the former doesn’t."
~John Piper, This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence

if you wouldn't mind marrying me too much.

Just a little romantic nostalgia for your Valentine's Day pleasure.

I wanna marry you because you're the first person I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning, and the only one I wanna kiss goodnight.

In a movie I saw recently, I found the following dialogue about relationships interesting:

• April: “Forget about the 'real' deal. You don’t find it, it finds you …you know, when you are ready for marriage, a mortgage … the person that you are with THEN is the one.”

• Will: “So, it’s not WHO; it’s WHEN?”

A question I have often been asked regarding when/whom to marry is, "How do you know?"

How do you know (s)he is the right one?
How do you know you're ready?

Really, what is often wondered is, "How do I know someone better won't come along?"

What advice do you give in these areas? If married, how did you know?

P.S. A Happy Anniversary to my mom & dad!