You're breaking up with me, because I'm too ... blonde?

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

• MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

I'll have four fried chickens and a coke. And some dry white toast.

I was reminded of this in response to my rant about Country Burger switching from sweet, clean Coke product to Pepsi, one of my pet peeves.

"No Coke, Pepsi."

There's a snake in my boot!

A modern day Rikki Tikki Tavi, mongoose vs. cobra.

A boy's best friend is his mother.

An elderly woman walked through the doors of a church. The friendly usher greeted her and helped her up the flight of steps. He politely asked her, "Where would you like to sit?"

"The front row, please," she answered.

"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No," he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

He asked her, "Do you know who I am?"

"No," she said.

"Good," he answered, as he hurriedly left.

You're breaking up with me, because I'm too ... blonde?

A brunette goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I'm hurting all over my body."

"That's odd," replied the doctor. "Show me what you mean."

So, the girl takes her finger, pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony, and so on.

The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?"

"No, I'm a blonde," she replies.

"I thought so. Your finger is broken," replied the doctor.

You're breaking up with me, because I'm too ... blonde?

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears?

"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ... what happened to your other ear?"

"The jerk called back!"

Here's a good idea: Have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!

I had a big bag of nuthin', so ... nuthin' on the blog last week. But they say, "A picture's worth a thousand words."

(HT Cody Dixon for the pictorial good bull.)

It's over, Anakin; I have the high ground.

I've never actually got up and walked out on a movie, though I've been tempted many times. But, I was never so close to leaving in disgust as when watching Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. That's the one where Anakin becomes Darth Vader and the bridge is made between Attack of the Clones (II) and A New Hope (IV).

I can vividly still remember the exact point in the movie, because I still cringe when I encounter it. I checked out when Obi Wan exclaimed, "It's over, Anakin; I have the high ground."

While I was ranting about this again at Whataburger, Cody Dixon came across another blog post feeling my pain.

The blogger does a nice job of examining all the evidence for and against having the high ground in battle. The results might surprise you. For example, "Yoda vs. Sidious : Sidious vs. Luke : Vader vs. Luke ...They all had the high ground but lost!!!!!!"

This is but one of my criticisms of inconsistency of the series, but it's the biggest groaner, even trumping Obi Wan's, "So, what I said was true ... from a certain point of view" in Return of the Jedi (VI). But, of course, only a Sith deals in absolutes. (HT Obi Wan)

Read the entire post: The High Ground?!....Really!?

Watch Obi Wan jump the shark.

My kind of trouble doesn't take vacations.

I guess it's never too early to starting thinking about the 2012 presidential election.

The merits of Chuck Norris have been often lauded, but this is the first time I've seen a commendation for him to be president of these somewhat united states.

Top 10 Reasons Chuck Norris should be president:

1. If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you. (All of our economic problems would be solved!)
2. Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip. (We definitely need a President with self-control).
3. There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. (No more Soviet leaders beating their shoes on the table!)
4. When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's. (The movie "Super-Size Me" is all I have to say.)
5. Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) (No more dependency on foreign oil!)
6. When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. (Enough said)
7. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. (He is not wasteful! No more pork barrel spending!)
8. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. (Equality for all!)
9. Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego. (Osama doesn't stand a chance!)
10. When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000. (American Education will be the best in the World!

Cereally, he apparently does have some pertinent political thoughts:

• Chuck Norris, Black Belt Patriotism: How to Reawaken America

Wake Up, America!

It seems like wherever you turn these days, the news is bad. Illegal immigrants are swarming over our borders. Our nation and American families are crippled by debt. We remain vulnerable to Islamist terrorist attacks. Judges ignore the Constitution and instead legislate from the bench. Faith and traditional values are under incessant assault from the media, leftist lawyers, and the liberal establishment. The core message of the Declaration of Independence--that everyone has a God-given right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness--is under threat from liberals who deny the right to life (or even the very idea of God-given rights), and who think the answer to every problem is a government program. They think that God, if He exists, might not know best, but liberal-run government certainly does. If you're worried about the direction our country is going, you're in good company. Chuck Norris remembers a better America--an America of faith, freedom, and respect for tradition, history, and human life--and in Black Belt Patriotism he shows what we need to do to reawaken the American dream, reignite the American spirit, and give our children and grandchildren the America they deserve: an America of freedom, opportunity, and faith. In ten practical, down-to-earth chapters, Norris gets back to basics, mining the insights of our founding fathers and applying their wisdom to the problems of today: immigration, the culture wars, the war against global terrorism, national (and personal) debt, even the epidemic of obesity that is killing more Americans than terrorists do. With the optimistic, get your-hands-dirty, can-do spirit that typifies what's best about America, Chuck Norris grapples with the toughest problems facing our country and proves that they're no match for Black Belt Patriotism. (from inside flap)

... and you must be Grumpy.

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy man. He fussed and complained, and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.

The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up for a single minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old man yelled to her, "While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."

Lady, I got buddies who died face down in the muck so that you and I could enjoy this family restaurant!

"Sad will be the day when the American people forget their traditions and their history, and no longer remember that the country they love, the institutions they cherish, and the freedom they hope to preserve, were born from the throes of armed resistance to tyranny, and nursed in the rugged arms of fearless men." ~Roger Sherman, signer of the Declaration of Independence

And they are also protected by the courageous. This Independence Day, I salute the Military Order of the Purple Heart, which is composed of military men & women who received the Purple Heart Medal for wounds suffered in combat.

For your listening pleasure, I commend to you the song "Purple Heart Medal," sung by my Texas A&M military advisor, Paul "Red" Dvorak. It was inspired by PFC Frank Smith, K.I.A. at age 20 in Vietnam.

Click to listen to a preview:


[Proceeds from the sale of this Red's CD will go to the Veterans Affairs Volunteer Services (VAVS) Youth Scholarship Fund, established to support youth who volunteer in VA hospitals.]

Temper's the one thing you can't get rid of, by losing it.

I heard a good whammy at Bible study at Providence Church last night: H.A.L.T.

The context was discussion of the following verses.

• Proverbs 14:17 A man of quick temper acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated.
• Proverbs 14:29 Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.

(cf. Prov 19:11 & James 1:19)

Practical issues of "how to" brought the following to light. (HT Vicky Sterling)

H.A.L.T. before acting. In other words, it's wise not to do anything when you're ...

• H ... Hungry or Hurt
• A ... Angry
• L ... Lonely
• T ... Tired

That's a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?

Saw this 2nd bit while on vacation, but couldn't share until tonight ...

Okay, Miss Teen USA South Carolina was made (in)famous with this clip.


However, after watching a video clip of Peggy West (Milwaukee County Supervisor), perhaps she was on to something with this need for maps! The YouTube Nazis removed it, but you can view Peggy West's criticism of Arizona's immigration stance here.

It was certainly very kind of the senator to let her know by letter that Arizona does indeed border Arizona.

For geography help, Peggy West should consult with the man who's visited 57 (fifty-seven) of these United States.

We who have seen war, will never stop seeing it. In the silence of the night, we will always hear the screams.

Last Memorial Day I got this in an email from my mom: "Memorial Day needs to be changed to War Movies Day."

They, particularly my dad, had been watching war movies all day.

So, I've been sitting on this post for about a year. Some suggestions for your viewing pleasure this weekend ...

Gunny's 10 Favorite War Movies:

1. Sergeant York - Perhaps my favorite movie of all time because it moves you to think about issues of faith & war and "the using kind of religion."
2. Patton - George C. Scott is outstanding and the opening speech for the 3rd Army is money. If nothing else, you must watch his opening monologue.
   
3. Glory - It sends a powerful and thought-provoking message about the Civil War and war in general.
   
4. Apocalypse Now - The first time I saw it I found it just bizarre, but I have grown to really appreciate the movie. Of course, the acting is top notch.
5. We Were Soldiers - Perhaps I'm biased because my dad knows LTC Moore, but I thought this was one of the Vietnam movies that didn't come off as somewhat anti-soldier, as many anti-war Vietnam movies do. This is an inspiring story about facing insurmountable odds and the value of courageous leadership.
6. Full Metal Jacket - The greatness of the movie actually happens prior to Private Joker actually arriving in Vietnam. You can't beat R. Lee Ermey as Gunnery Sgt. Hartman, your senior drill instructor.
7. Schindler's List - Though not laden with a lot of warfare, in the midst of war you learn about good & bad in humanity in this stirring film.
8. Platoon - This was the first Vietnam War movie I remember seeing and the soundtrack was memorable as well.
9. Braveheart - It's so quotable and stirring, particularly the motivating Mel Gibson. You'll never take away his freedom.
   
10. Saving Private Ryan - Though I don't think it's the best World War II movie ever made, it would be hard to find one made better, particularly the battle scenes.

Honorable Mention: Das Boot, Guns of Navarone, Tora, Tora, Tora, Escape to Victory, and The Longest Day.

Miss any?

UPDATE: The following are some greatly appreciated suggestions received in the comments.

• Hamburger Hill
• Taking Chance
• Band of Brothers (mini-series)
• Seven Samurai (though not an American war)
• Flags of Our Fathers
• Letters from Iwo Jima
• The Patriot
• Tears of the Sun
• The Bridge On the River Kwai
• Paths of Glory
• Gods and Generals
• The Boys in Company C
• The Lost Battalion
• Bravo Two Zero
  
• The Deer Hunter
• The Great Escape
• Midway
• U-571
• The Dirty Dozen
• Hart's War
• Basic
• Memphis Belle
• Bat*21
  

I don't own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I going to do with a gun rack?

I can't confirm the veracity of this story, but it's good bull either way.

Apparently & allegedly, this was one neighbor's response to the perpetual political pontificating of the other.

After much controversy, the city council decided the sign was legal by a quarter of an inch and that they could not and would not effect its removal.

Very clever dinner. Appetizing food fit neatly into interesting round pie.

Just so you know, today is "Pi Day." You know ... March 14 ... 3/14 ... uh ... 3.14, ergo Pi Day.

Pi or π is the ratio of any circle's circumference to its diameter, the ratio of a circle's area to the square of its radius.

• Circumference=2πr or (πd)
• Area=πr²

So, for your Pi Day pleasure, find your birthday within the decimals of Pi. Or check out other Pi Day activities.

Now, I have a whole bag of "Shh!" with your name on it.

I was speaking to a class at the middle school yesterday and saw this sign on the wall. I thought was neat and rather profound.

"LISTEN and SILENT are spelled with the same letters."

I don't know what the beef is between you, but you better grill it up and eat it

BBQ RULES (HT Jade)
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore, it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:
(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!

Tough guys don't do math. Tough guys fry chicken for a living.

After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said:

Let me see if I've got this right.

You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.

You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.

You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.

You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, email, newsletter, and report card.

You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

You want me to do all this and then you tell me . . . I CAN'T PRAY?

It seems that whenever you ask me a question, you already have the answer.

For your Monday, some good bull I received from Tim "Oilcan" Murray in an email entitled, "Rhetoric Fun for Gunny." He was right; this is right in my rhetorical wheelhouse.

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22 Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

29. If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?