Friday, July 25, 2008

I hate Illinois Nazis.

I live in the suburbs, which has its benefits, but such suburbanite living comes at a cost ... The H.O.A.

Those 3 dreaded letters stand for Home Owners Association, but the organization goes by other names (e.g., The Gestapo, Yard Nazis, and The Man).

We bought our current house as a foreclosure, so it should come as no surprise the yard wasn't well maintained. Within a week of living here we got a letter in the mail, a "Dear Occupant" letter, the gist of which was, "The HOA is fining you 100 bones for weeds in your flowerbeds."

I sent them an email saying, "Y'all gonna make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here."

They were like, "Oh, that's a standard letter we send to that address. We'll hold off and let you get your scene under control."

Later we got a similar letter because Herr Göring spotted some sloogey boards in our privacy fence. Fix it ... or else.

We've probably got 6 of these notices in the 2 years we've been living up in this piece. The most recent one was really whacked.

Our neighbor put in a beautiful privacy fence (seen in the background of this picture). It makes my rickety grayed thing look bad, really bad. He did his whole fence and wanted us to kick a buck or two to help cover the cost of that which separates our yards.

Heinrich Himmler let us know that the staining of the fence was unapproved and the infraction needed to be fixed.

Well, the neighbor is presently in England and his mother-in-law inhabits the place. I'm like, "What, they want her to take down the fence? Replace it? Make it look like mine?"

I'm sure they ultimately want fences like this one for each of our houses.

C'mon. It's not like we have a recliner or a washer on the front porch or a stack of tires or an expired auto in the yard.

Stuff like this motivates me to find a piece of land where I can have a chain-link fence and shoot guns in my backyard and pretend I'm living in the land of the free and the home of the brave.


At 25 July, 2008 07:56, Anonymous Lionel Woods said...

I am paying the mortgage but these dirtbags tell me what I can and can't have in my yard. Next time I am going to send them a letter back saying "pay my bill then sucka"! Just kidding on the sucka part :O)

At 25 July, 2008 08:33, Blogger Timothy said...

Blues Brothers

Sounds like its time for you and your neighbors to get involved in your HOA. Most HOA's are run by 15 annal retentive people that no one wants to deal with. All you have to do is find 20 reasonable people to out vote them. Just think of your typical small Baptist church. :)

At 25 July, 2008 11:13, Anonymous Chris said...

I know you're correct to blame the state of Illinois. But, remind me again of why it's our fault up here?

At 25 July, 2008 12:15, Blogger samurai said...

We've been having "growing pains" with our HOA lately too... *sigh* I think it's a power trip for those in charge. But when they can threaten things like leans on my house... *sigh*

At 25 July, 2008 17:16, Blogger Jade said...

Gunny, it's time to move man! What is this HOA stuff!?! Never heard of it from out here. Sounds like they are forcing you to keep up with the Jones' even though you don't want to! What's with that?!

At 25 July, 2008 17:31, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny post. Especially since my husband is on the board of our HOA here in Texas. One of the reasons he decided to get on the board was simply because we were getting really frustrated about the fact that one of our neighbors painted their house "pee yellow" was awful. There was paint all over the dark red brick. Anyway, 2 years later - we discovered that the homeowner and the HOA have just been sending "official letters" back and forth. That was enough for him to get on the board and see exactly what was going on!

It's been an interesting experience...and luckily the HOA board now consists of homeowners who are "reasonable" and "action oriented" in a way that benefits our neighborhood. My husband, along with 2 other board members who are law enforcement officers, went out one night at 1:00 a.m. to see if they could catch some kids who were "tagging" on the exterior fencing of our neighborhood. They were successful...caught the kids...the cops called the parents...and needless to say...we have not had a problem again! These are the kind of issues that the HOA board needs to be working on.

Praying God provides a beautiful piece of land for of those horrible HOA people! :)

At 27 July, 2008 18:22, Blogger Jesus Girl said...

Jade has given you wonderful advice. I hear that San Antonio is a great place to live. I'm sure the HOA is great too. YOu should give it a try.

At 27 July, 2008 18:24, Blogger Jesus Girl said...

even my comment didn't have to go through the HOA. I can just pot whatever I want.

At 27 July, 2008 21:34, Blogger GUNNY said...


It's a line from the "Blues Brothers," as Timothy noted.

It's in the context of Jake & Elwood wanting to get somewhere in their ex-police cruiser, but they're held up by a demonstration put on by the Nazi Party of Illinois.

The line is said just prior to plowing through the assembly, sending many Fascists into the water as they jump off the bridge to avoid the car.

Subsequently, the Illinois Nazis become one more group chasing the brothers throughout the movie.

Kelly, oddly enough, you're motivation is very common for the reasoning people get involved in the HOA.


Amen, Lionel, show me the money or let me call the shots.

At 28 July, 2008 21:03, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um,'s 9:02 p.m. on MONDAY...where's my favorite Monday post? My monday evenings are not the same without your list of "reading material" for the week! LOL

At 28 July, 2008 21:44, Blogger GUNNY said...

So sorry!

My bad. I just got home late last night from vacation and have been trying to catch up.

Coming soon ... Deo volente.

At 28 July, 2008 21:49, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just giving you a hard time...ha! I actually usually do not get around to reading blogs Monday - it's normally a late day for me at the office! :)


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