Friday, January 11, 2008

Look how they massacred my boy!

I have to tell you about the most expensive haircut of my life ...
My son and I had been needing haircuts for a while, so we went to a place where we could use a coupon. I won't tell you the name of the place, but only say it wasn't so "great" after all.

As we were nearing completion, I looked all the way across the "salon" and even without my glasses I could see a distinct horizontal line across Eric Jr.'s head.

For the record, I had not requested a bowl cut for him, but for them to blend from the short to the longer hair on top. Even after having a more advanced helper relieve the stylist, his cranium was still sub-par.

What about my own? I didn't fare much better. When spun around, I put on my glasses and saw some serious lack of blend. I asked if she could try to "erase that line" and she gave it another go.

However, even after that it wasn't right. She tried to tell me that it was because my hair was a bit wet, as though I'd never had a haircut before.

Well, it wasn't the worst haircut I've ever received. That was when I was 15 in the Waterloo train station in London. My dad let me go first, which meant I got the "one-armed" barber.

It wasn't the worst (some buddy cuts at A&M were more heinous), but it was the worst haircut I ever had to pay for.

In fact, for the first time in my life I was REALLY tempted to not pay for a haircut. But, the ladies were nice as can be, so we paid, but I made sure Victoria & her brother both got 2 lollipops out of the deal.

I hoped the bad haircut was obvious only to me and that it wasn't so bad. Besides, it will grow back, right?

When I got home, my wife was not impressed. She said we should go back there and make them fix our heads. I told her that it wasn't so much a question of their being willing, but rather their being able.

She said something to the effect of, "Well, he's 4, so it's not that big of a deal. But you're the pastor of a church, you can't stand in front of people on Sunday looking like that!"

At her vehement behest, we went to a proper barbershop. You know, the kind where it smells like a mixture of Brylcreem & cigars and George Jones always seems to be playing in the background.

They fixed me up as we talked about the Cowboys, completing the most expensive haircut of my life.

From here on out, I'm back on the barbershop plan exclusively. But, if you see Eric Jr., try not to give him a complex as you see how they massacred my boy.


At 12 January, 2008 07:42, Blogger Jesus Girl said...

Wow. Poor guy. They usually do a "great" job on me. The kids cuts come to $7 with the coupon and I think mine is $10. How unfortunate.

One armed barber, eh? How nice of your dad to let you go first.

At 12 January, 2008 10:13, Blogger randal said...

And thats the reason I cut my own hair.One of the last times I got a hair cut the girl left a scar in the back of my head. I don't see the point of paying for a cut when I don't have much hair anyway and they don't give discounts for the the bolding crowd.

At 12 January, 2008 13:10, Anonymous Ron said...

I'm tellin' ya, man... go see Glenn at his shop right there next to church. Glenn'll cut your hair right, all the while telling you anything you want to know about WW2 bombers or hunting deer or whatever.

At 12 January, 2008 13:32, Anonymous NCguy said...

I've got a safe formula that's worked for me for the last year. And it seems to work with any barber/stylist. Using the electric clippers only, give me a 6 evenly all the way around, tapered to a 4 in the back and on the sides. Seems like they never go wrong now. Of course, that's a short haircut, but it's not quite military. And as for the shop next to the church, I went there once a number of years ago. The guy that owned it then (I don't remember his name), couldn't say a sentence without every other word being a 4 letter expletive (and the kind that really make you wince). He was nice (and a political conservative), but sheesh... 'fraid I didn't go back.

At 12 January, 2008 13:46, Blogger GUNNY said...


I think that was the old guy, who died. Glenn's not been there that long, has he Ron?

I think I will go back. I was there once before and he did a really nice job, even springing for the shaving cream & razor along the neck line.

He was a subdued guy and I heard no expletives the whole time, which is great as I like to take the boy along as well.

At 12 January, 2008 15:00, Blogger Jade said...

C'mon Gunny, how bad could it be? Do you have pictures? Can't be as bad as when my sister shaved my head (back in high school)... one of those funky moments I had when I was a kid. I didn't so much mind the shave but she didn't "shave" it evenly (had about a 1/4" of hair standing after the cut). She left a "dent" at the back of my head. She tried so hard not to laugh, but soon enough, I found out what she did! Fortunately, I didn't have any pictures taken back then... :ob

At 12 January, 2008 23:07, Blogger GUNNY said...

Pictures! No way!

I probably should have worn a disguise on the way home.


Fortunately, no pictures have survived of any of my hair adventures (e.g., spiked look, flat top, tail, fro, Waterloo haircut, etc.).

With the proliferation of mobile phone cameras, one has to REALLY be cautious nowadays.

At 12 January, 2008 23:27, Blogger Jade said...

Hey any of you bloggers go to Gunny's church? Could you take a picture tomorrow at church? :o) Let me know where you'll post the pictures. Hahaahaha... :ob

At 13 January, 2008 13:25, Anonymous Ron said...

ncguy: That barber was probably Dan, the previous proprietor. Dan gave a good cut too... I don't recall his language being quite as bad as you experienced, but it wasn't always kid-friendly for sure.

Dan passed away suddenly not too long ago, and Glen took over his shop (with the approval of Dan's widow). Glen's a nice fellow and gives a very good cut. The razor shave along the hairline is his standard procedure. There are surprisingly few true licensed barbers in Texas... Both Dan and Glen are.

Seriously, if you go see Glen you need to get him started on WW2 aviators. He's cut the hair of some real war heroes. (He knows Charlie Bond, one of the original Flying Tigers.)

At 13 January, 2008 16:39, Blogger Timothy said...

The Godfather?

At 14 January, 2008 01:18, Blogger GUNNY said...

Well done, T-Money!

Those are the words of none other than Vito Corrleone upon seeing Sonny's dead body.

At 14 January, 2008 07:52, Blogger shy_smiley said...

Yeah, when my Jack was 2 I cut his hair so badly I had to shave it all off and the poor kid looked like a chemo patient for Christmas that year. My friend likes to remind me that "You never get a bad haircut, you get a temporary haircut."

At 14 January, 2008 09:29, Blogger GUNNY said...

Good point, Shy, by God's grace it will grow back.

Just ask Britney. ;-)


I'll have to ask him if he's familiar with the Blond Knight of Germany.

At 15 January, 2008 08:36, Blogger Timothy said...

I thought so. It's been a long time since I've seen the movie, (mid 1980s), but I had to conclude that was it because of that scene and it fit.


Post a Comment

<< Home

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting