I'm picking up your sarcasm.
I came across these and thought you might appreciate a sarcasm injected into the church culture.
Top Ten LEAST likely things you'll hear at church this Sunday:
10. "Hey! It's my turn to sit on the front pew!"
9. "I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes overtime."
8. "Personally, I find witnessing MUCH more enjoyable than golf" (or fishing).
7. "I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I've been sending to TV evangelists."
6. "I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the junior high Sunday school class."
5. "Forget the denominational minimum for salary - let's pay our pastor so he and his family can live like we do."
4. "I love it when we sing songs I've never heard before!"
3. "Since we're all here, let's begin the service early."
2. "Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas..."
And the #1 thing you never hear in church:
1. "Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!"