Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Charging a man with murder in this place was like handing out speeding tickets at the Indy 500.

I found this funny, and rather educational. It's from a page I happened upon explaining How to Avoid a Traffic Ticket.*

4. Don't stand out in a crowd. Let other vehicles and drivers attract an officer's scrutiny while you drive nearly invisibly.
  • Maintain your vehicle. Cracked windshields, burnt-out taillights, and a whole host of other minor maintenance issues can get you a ticket.
  • Wear your seatbelt. It's the law pretty much everywhere, and an iron clad excuse for a sharp-eyed officer to pull you over.
  • Look attentive. Being the one in the pack with a cell phone cradled on your neck and a burger in the other hand is not a good thing.
  • If you are choosing, choose a plain-colored sedan with economy styling over a sporty-looking coupe with bright, eye-popping colors and/or customized appearance. There are lots of economical-looking little cars with snappy power-to-weight ratios and safe, excellent handling.
  • Don't cover your car in eye-catching stickers and/or controversial slogans, no matter how mad some politician makes you. A cop may be a big fan of the guy you loathe most.
  • Remove license plate frames and dealer stickers that identify you as being from 'out of town' wherever else you go in your state. People who travel a long way are less likely to show up in court to dispute a ticket.
  • Don't drive a rolling pig sty. All windows should offer unobstructed views to the driver.

I might add the following:
  • Don't kick the bass so hard that your windows visibly rattle.
  • Don't drive faster than everyone else, who may have seen the officer, or so slow that you draw suspicion.
  • Don't darken your windows so much as to suggest suspicious activity occurs within.
  • Don't fly your away team's car flag when leaving the stadium, especially if the home team lost.
  • Minimize the amount of duct tape visible to the naked eye.
  • Ensure nothing on your vehicle is being held on with bungee cords.
  • Don't lean your seat back so much that the only part of you visible is your hand resting on the top of the steering wheel.
*CAVEAT: I am not suggesting nor condoning unlawful traffic behavior nor shirking responsibility for one's actions on the roadways.

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At 16 December, 2009 07:38, Anonymous Lance said...

Don't take it to 90, so as to test the flourocarbon output.

At 22 December, 2009 01:02, Blogger GUNNY said...

I would never do that, lest the mattress police come and pull rank on me.


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