Wednesday, January 31, 2007

I never joke. And don't call me, "Shirley."

Providence Church's own M. Jay Bennett has created another blog (E. Pluribus Uranium), this one specializing in the humor. It's not quite as funny as a one-legged man with a rubber crutch, but it's worth a look. Here's a goodie found there to whet your appetite.

His other blog (Solus Christus) is more serious. There he will never joke, nor will he allow you to call him, "Shirley."

From the minds of comedians Steven Wright and/or George Carlin. We're not sure who is responsible for which thought.


A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a Train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.

If Barbie is so popular, why do we have to buy her friends?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 for a little bottle of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards (naive).

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their finals.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on postage stamps so the mail carriers could look for them while they deliver the mail?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

Clones are people two.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

So what's the speed of dark?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

12 Comments:

At 31 January, 2007 15:49, Anonymous Michelle said...

Speaking of other's blogs, what happened to Horhay's blog? When I try to go to it, it gives me some error message...has it moved?

 
At 31 January, 2007 15:56, Blogger GUNNY said...

Unfortunately, Horhay shut it down.

That was bad bull. Then, of course, there's Brian, who has another neglected blog.

As you know, from reading yours, it's not easy to keep up with a blog. But, your new one looks promising.

I'd love to see Horhay get back into the blogosphere.

 
At 31 January, 2007 16:02, Anonymous Michelle said...

Well, mine is a work in progress, which I guess all blogs are by their very nature. I am sad to see Horhay go, his was way better than Brian's. :)

 
At 31 January, 2007 21:04, Anonymous Jenn said...

George Carlin... He hates Christ and Christianity. Big time. I was listening to Way of the Master Radio the other day and they played some of his stuff... and dude was just blasting our Lord... I didn't know he was like THAT. But yea, I know that's off topic, but he seemed like such a funny man when I was younger.

 
At 31 January, 2007 23:49, Blogger GUNNY said...

Not cool, Carlin. You better get your mind right ... and soon.

Incidentally, I loves me some Ray Comfort. Back in '93 or '94 a brother gave me an audio tape of "Hell's Best Kept Secret."

As Ron Burgundy would say, "That thing is good. I wanna be friends with it."

Or as Napoleon would say, it's "flippin' sweet!"

If you're not familiar with it, your approach to evangelism just might be radically altered.

Thanks for the 411 on Carlin, Jenn.

 
At 01 February, 2007 01:11, Blogger M. Jay Bennett said...

My my my mymommasays George Carlin's from da devil.

I think he has an issue with his medullah oblongata.

Michelle, what's your blog address? Didn't know you were a fellow blogonaut (Hey did I just coin a term?).

HOOOORRRRRRHAAAAAYYYY!

Brian has been posting more frequently lately. Check out the snowman murder that occurred in his front yard.

Gun, thanks for the free publicity. I'll pay you Sunday. And you can call me Shirley anytime.

MJB

 
At 01 February, 2007 10:12, Blogger george d. said...

yes, the blog that used to have my name on it died a quick death. It didn't suffer long and didn't experience any pain. For that I am grateful.

"It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

 
At 01 February, 2007 12:47, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's another from Steven Wright:
I got pulled over by a cop. He told me the speed limit was 55 miles per hour. I said I didn't plan on being out that long.

 
At 01 February, 2007 14:13, Anonymous Michelle said...

Okay, I take it back...
I did check Brian's blog and he has been updating. I suppose I can still hold out hope for the future of his blog, but I still mourn the loss of George's.
Jay, you can find my blog at http://michellek.wordpress.com/.

 
At 01 February, 2007 22:59, Blogger M. Jay Bennett said...

Michelle, thanks! I have it bookmarked now.

 
At 02 February, 2007 09:36, Blogger Rev. said...

I've long been a fan of Steven Wright. "The other day I bought some instant water at the store, but when I got home, I didn't know what to add." HA! Never been much of a Carlin fan, but he is definitely an intelligent man with a tremendous grasp of the English language. Unfortunately, he is very much a child of the '60s with its anti-God sentiment. Ever hear his "frisbee" bit?

 
At 03 February, 2007 20:26, Blogger GUNNY said...

So, why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

I have to go, discuss amongst yourselves ...

Rhode Island is neither a road nor an island.

Discuss.

 

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