I never joke. And don't call me, "Shirley."

Providence Church's own M. Jay Bennett has created another blog (E. Pluribus Uranium), this one specializing in the humor. It's not quite as funny as a one-legged man with a rubber crutch, but it's worth a look. Here's a goodie found there to whet your appetite.

His other blog (Solus Christus) is more serious. There he will never joke, nor will he allow you to call him, "Shirley."

From the minds of comedians Steven Wright and/or George Carlin. We're not sure who is responsible for which thought.


A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a Train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.

If Barbie is so popular, why do we have to buy her friends?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 for a little bottle of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards (naive).

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their finals.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on postage stamps so the mail carriers could look for them while they deliver the mail?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?

Clones are people two.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

So what's the speed of dark?

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.