I want an Oompa Loompa NOW!

Certainly, these 12 things we've all seen, but never actually done. Of course, some of us knew a lot more about parenting before we actually became parents. It has a way of humbling you, but much of parenting is learning what not to do with regard to training up the next generation.

Hopefully, we can add to the list and help each other. In fact, some who have spent some time in a state of delinquency may be able to best contribute.

12 Sure-Fire Ways to Raise Delinquent Children

1. Begin from infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.
2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute. It will also encourage him to pick up “cuter” phrases that will blow off the top of your head later.
3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait till he is twenty-one and then let him “decide for himself.”
4. Avoid use of the word “wrong.” It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe that society is against him, and he is being persecuted.
5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around (books, shoes, and clothing). Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility onto others.
6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast in garbage.
7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your child. In this way he will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.
8. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?
9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial of his desires may lead to harmful frustration.
10. Take his part against neighbors, teachers, and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.
11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, “I never could do anything with him.”
12. Prepare for a life of grief.

(Author Unknown, Lists to Live By, 268-69)

This is a list of 12, but I'm confident we can come up with more. Amen?